Psychology/Self-Help
Bouton, Eldonna
Loose Ends
1999
This book is subtitled "A Journaling Tool for Tying Up the Incomplete Details of Your Life and Heart.” I really kind of hate “long titles” like this, but this, in a modern sense, gets to the same point as the person who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” It came with a pamphlet entitled “Write Away: A Journal Writing Tool Kit," which is a short guide with bibliography aimed at helping you to get started at writing a journal.
This book is a little different from those I usually review, but the subject is close to my heart. It seems to me that with each additional year fortune allows me to tack onto my resume, life gets more and more complicated. When my dad died this year, I had cause to look at the state of my own life. If I would die today, could I go with no regrets? Had I told people important to me that I loved them, and why? Had I made my peace with those I had trouble with, or with myself if I didn’t? Having just turned 40, and having just started a challenging new career, did I have things that were weighing me down, keeping me from meeting my goals? All of these subjects were covered in this book, which guides the reader/participant in writing about feelings and events, an exercise which takes one out of time, out of the hustle of daily life which sometimes keeps us from remembering what’s truly important. For each subject covered, space is provided for your own writing, or you can choose your own writing materials.
Although the questions presented were not new to me, I was grateful to be reminded of them as I leafed through the book. Each section has inspiring quotes, some of which brought tears to my eyes. I’ll be keeping it on hand to review my life from time to time. I write a lot, and personally recommend the practice, although I don’t think I could actually bring myself to write in the book! It’s beautifully presented and a good tool for anyone interested in a valuable self-help exercise.
(Reviewed 10/30/99.)
The author is a massage therapist as well as an author. You can read more about her and workshops and seminars she offers by visiting her web site at
http://www.wholeheart.com.
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Bryan, Mark
Codes of Love: How to Rethink Your Family and Remake Your Life
1999
U.S. & U.K Editions: Pocket Books Hardcover
I've had this book for awhile but hadn't taken time to read any but the first chapter before I loaned it to one of my best friends who seemed to need it's advice more than I did at the time. I could tell from the start that it was a good book, and I had an idea of its essence after seeing the author's appearance on Oprah with a couple of families who were attempting to reunite after difficulties. I was impressed by the author's patience, and that no "instant" solutions were offered.
"Codes of Love" is in part about how people become separated from their families because of misinterpretations. The author offers his own and others' stories to support his theory that problems between family members can be healed even after they're long set, and that people can reach a new level of emotional maturity by bonding with family members as adults. He illustrate his points about what works and what doesn't. He gives his own code words to the plan of attack: Remember, Reflect, Re-Frame and Reconnect.
This healing results from being open to looking at things in new ways. What this book does is help you to recognize opportunities to do so, or see when it happens. For example, after reading a section of the book about "Falling in Love With Your Family," I was able to see more clearly some of the things which have happened in recent years to bring me closer to my mother, and understand some of the reasons I hadn't felt closer to her before.
I could try to reproduce the whole book here, and what I thought were good points about each section, but I think you should have an idea by now of whether or not this book has something to offer you. In fact, I don't believe there are many people who would not find something of benefit in this book.
(Reviewed 2/16/00.)
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Chandler, Steve
17 Lies That Are Holding You Back & the Truth That Will Set You Free
Self-Help
April, 2000
U.S. & U.K. Editions: Renaissance Books Hardcover
This book caught the eye of a friend of mine who was visiting. It was sitting in a stack of books awaiting review. Since one topic of many of our get-togethers is talking about various self-improvement theories (during which we engage in self-destructive activities like eating cholesterol laden pizza) I picked it up and read to her some of the chapter titles.
Those chapter headings represented a litany of helpless excuses, including:
- I'm Too Old For That
- I Can't Because I'm Afraid
- I'd Love To Do That, But I Just Don't Have the Time
- Winning the Lottery Would Solve Everything
- What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger
We were struck by how much these phrases represented ways which we had felt, or feelings we had confronted at one time or other. (I often feel the same way when reading the local newspaper's daily horoscope section.)
While we were waiting for our pizza, we skimmed a couple of the chapters. The last one on the list above, "What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger," was a bit surprising. What do you think of when you hear that phrase? My first thought was of a backpacking trip that I went on with a friend. It was very arduous. We now affectionately refer to it as the "Death March". It's something that was tough but gave us an immense sense of satisfaction for finishing. It didn't kill me, although at times I thought it would, and it made me stronger. The surprising thing here was that the theme of this chapter was drug and alcohol abuse. There is nothing wrong with this, or with the contents of the chapter; it was just a departure from what we expected.
The other chapters contained information more in line with what you would expect given the chapter titles. I especially liked the chapter entitled "I'm Too Old For That". It's basically a "use it or lose it" philosophy and goes into detail about how we fool ourselves into thinking that the few extra pounds we put on are due solely to age and not to our own activities, and what kinds of choices we make on a day to day basis which sabotage our health and fitness.
Another one I liked was the chapter on self-esteem, something I believe to be widely misunderstood. The author's presentation fell in line with my feelings on the subject and explained it well.
The author's style is engaging and easy to read. The language is plain, not jargon-filled. There are no exercises to perform except thinking about the material presented. The advice is practical. There are a number of things in it which stick in my mind because I found them particularly applicable to me and my way of thinking about things.
Each chapter is relatively short. (As a matter of fact, the book itself is not too long, and is presented in double-spaced text.) Each chapter in the main part of the text stands alone. It makes it easy to pick a topic and to do a quick read, or to refer back to when and if you need some inspiration. It's straightforward and well organized. Examples given are realistic and believable. Most people could probably read through it in one or two evenings.
One of the things listed in the author credits is "Corporate Trainer" and some of the examples given are work-related. The book covers a broad spectrum of self-defeating behaviors and beliefs which may affect you in your personal life as well as your business life, though, so it is not strictly business.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading "17 Lies" and believe that you most anyone would benefit from giving it a read.
Other books by Steve Chandler include:
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Kirschman, Ellen Ph.D.
I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know
Guilford Press Paperback
1997
This book was recommended to me by a Lieutenant in the local police department who was assigned to me as part of a Community College/Police Department mentoring program when I was thinking about becoming a cop.
Police officers deal with a variety of circumstances and events outside what an average person is exposed to. They see and hear things they have difficulty discussing with anyone, including family members, who do not share this exposure. This lack of communication, and bonding with co-workers, can lead to problems in relationships. Also, it can be easy to fall into a habit of dealing with loved ones in the same way one deals with people at work, which can be devastating to family members and the officers themselves.
Often, a person entering the field of police work will expect to be a part of an exciting profession in which good battles evil on a daily basis. When reality bites, and things don't seems so clear cut, this can cause depression and disillusionment.
Kirschman gives valuable advice for the person who wants to go into police work, or for friends, family, or partners to help restore or maintain psychologically healthy relationships with the cops in their lives.
The author, a clinical psychologist who lives in Oakland, California, has been working with police officers and families for 20 years.
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Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth, M.D.
On Death and Dying
Collier Books Paperback
1969
The definitive book on the subject, the author gives the benefit of her experiences, including interviews with dying people and their families.
Recommended reading for everyone. The book explores changes in the way people have viewed death and dying people over time. This will help you to understand what a dying relative, friend or patient is going through.
It's a tough subject to write about so I'll leave that to the author, who does it so well.
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Tieger, Paul D. and Barbara Barron-Tieger
Do What You Are
Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type
by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger.
Probably a lot of you are familiar with the personality types described by the terms "ENTP" and "ISTJ", and have even taken one of the personality-type tests available on the internet. The first part of the book helps you refine your self-definition and explains the terms used in personality typing. It gives examples about how people did in their careers based on whether they were well suited to them by personality type. It even goes into how to overcome some of the problems certain types may face.
While some people may believe this is all a bunch of hogwash, it's my opinion that most any method of self-examination can be helpful, even Tarot, if that's what you are into.
See also Career
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